Catching Up

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After my food meltdown on Friday, I took a bit of a respite from being so concerned with working out and eating perfectly for a few days. I have really sucked it up this week – Really, I haven’t been successful at all with the eating part of this thing. I don’t have much to say. I was just so stressed with studying for this test and everything else. On the surface I had it all together and kept reminding myself that food isn’t the answer. Yet, I still couldn’t reach deep enough under the surface, to really manage my anxiety level. Before I binged on Friday, I drove around to several different drive throughs but didn’t get anything. I knew I had something healthy at home, I just had to wait. So, instead of using that as power and motivation to continue to do the right thing, when I finally got home I literally ate everything I could get my hands on. I couldn’t stop eating! ALL I needed to do was celebrate that little victory from earlier and take a few deep breaths to calm myself. But instead I got caught in the cycle. I gave Ed an inch and he took a mile, or ten. I got my roommates to go to cookout with me when I got home and they, unknowingly, contributed to my continued binging. I didn’t purge though! I need to reevaluate what that means I think. It’s like I want the food now but don’t want to purge because it’s painful. It’s like all I want is the comfort… I don’t know. I felt sick the next day and couldn’t really focus on studying after the binge so the lies Ed was telling me about how it would help me focus were just totally and completely full of crap. I just need to take steps to take care of my mental state so that doesn’t happen again! 

Saturday: 

Breakfast: Greek yogurt, breakfast essentials drink

Lunch: Jimmy Johns Vito sub, celery, raisins, peanut butter

Dinner: turkey sandwich on wheat sandwich thins with celery, raisins, and peanut butter.

Drinks with my friends at their 21st birthday party! Yayyayay!

Sunday: Pancakes and coffee for brunch with the roomies and neighbors. Chocolate chip, plain, and blueberry. Probably about 5 normal sized pancakes with light syrup. 

For dinner I’m going to have chicken and asparagus.
I’m also about to MAKE myself go do this long sprint run thing…

I weighed in at 131 today. Disappointing yes, but I know why I gained weight this week! I’m eating wayyyyyyyyyyy too much peanut butter among other things… Binging, a few drinks with my friends… it’s my own fault. And Blake is mad at me. While that really sucks, I just have to know that I can’t rely on him to keep me on track. He gave me a little more leeway with his instruction and I screwed up when he wasn’t in constant communication with me. But again, that’s my own fault. I have to learn to do things myself because he isn’t always going to be there. So. Here’s where I am today. This time, I’m not going to let a few setbacks stop me. There are bound to be setbacks along this journey, that’s life. But, part of this 21 day challenge is learning to KEEP GOING. Eventually I’ll get there. Eventually a health and wellness mindset is going to become such a part of my life that I’ll bounce right back when those setbacks happen and it won’t be a slow climb back. In developing a disciplined mindset I have to be able to get back on track and not give up completely when things like this happen. I never want to go more than two days without exercising. A day or two of rest is NEEDED and is part of a healthy, active lifestyle. But, I can’t let those break days represent the majority of my week. I mean I was active yesterday as I was shopping, dancing, and having fun! But it wasn’t exercise. So. After some rambling, here I am. That’s all I have to say for today.

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