twenty-one days completed!


I’ve finished the 21 day challenge, not well, but I finished it. Since my last blog post, I’ve binged and purged twice. Both binges were pretty big ones. The kind that you can’t really “recover from” or “undo.” One of the purges involved a binge where I drove around to different fast food places before “getting rid” of the food. Of course that never works. I weighed myself the day after that binge and was at 132. So, all the hard work I’ve been putting in at the gym was ruined by my terrible diet. I think I’ve been having such a hard time because I’ve made some key realizations about submitting myself to Christ. I am going to have to give HIM my all in this. It’s going to take utter and complete submission and focus on following what the Lord asks of me in this fight. I know that in my head but I don’t think I realized it TRULY in my heart until a sermon this past Sunday. The pastor talked about relationships and how God gave us the example of marriage as a model for all of our other relationships. Looking at biblical marriage gives us the blueprint for any relationship we have with all people and with God. Any kind of deficit in our service to others points to our lack of submission to God. Check out this excerpt from Ephesians 5:18 – 21…

18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The verses that follow talk about wives and husbands submitting to and loving one another as God loved the church. These verses above contrast a self-filled life with a spirit-filled one. A spirit-filled life involves speaking, singing, making melodies, and giving thanks. These things lead to unity experienced and shared in relationships. Having a spirit-filled life LEADS to these joyful characteristics of Christ manifest in us. If WE are trying, we are only giving more life to the flesh. Pursuing the Lord is what leads to a spirit-filled existence. Being servant minded like Jesus is willing submission to others out of reverence to Christ. Our service is not based on people but is based on Christ’s example. We see Jesus as a servant, perfectly submitted to God the Father. In his submission to God, he perfectly submitted to people. It is through Jesus that we understand relationships. Whatever we do to one another is a reflection of God’s relationship in us. We need to submit to people and serve people without any kind of selfish motivation. This is how we worship God daily. There are really only two kinds of love in this world: self-love and love for God. We should think about our actions based on the root of our love. Understanding submission in this way has really affected me this week. I feel like I have to pray for God to help me submit to him every single second. I feel immediate attack when in the moments that I’m not seeking the Lord fully, with my face to the ground, arms spread wide open, in total surrender. That’s what it’s going to take. The attacks of anxiety are so great that I literally feel like I’m knocked to the ground and can’t catch my breath. I know though that I’ve finally opened the door on the way to freedom. I just need to be still and let the Lord fight for me. He is showing me that I must let go of EVERYTHING. I know that in his time, I’ll find healing. No Scratch that. In his time, he’ll GRANT healing. He’s waiting on me to relinquish any hold that I have on anything and everything. Oh great love of God that takes away the sin of all of us, gone forever. Lord, I pray for you to help me to submit to you fully. Thank you for the realizations I’ve made these past 21 days. No, I haven’t had some miraculous body transformation. But I haven’t given up either. These 21 days have been a journey that showed me that I can push myself physically harder than ever before. I’ve done some pretty hard workouts!! I know the Lord is going to lead me out of this valley one step at a time. I have to keep getting up after I’ve been knocked down and turn my eyes back up to Jesus. I’m going to keep blogging about my journey. It’s really helpful! I’m going to keep working hard in the gym. I’m going to keep asking the Lord to change my mindset about food. Freedom is so close. 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s