Roma then Homa (May 29 – June 1)

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May 29, 2013 

Today we went to the Remida Recycling Center as a group. It was neat to see how the community uses these recycled materials. About 200 companies in the Reggio area supply materials to the Remida center. The Remida center highly values connecting industry and education; that’s their whole premise. We did a workshop with the teachers at the center that was supposed to help us understand creating without purpose. I really enjoyed it! It helped me to appreciate the small, unexpected details in everyday materials.  After the Remida center, we got ice cream and then rode bikes to a really beautiful park with Chiara and her sister. It was nice just to talk to them and enjoy a nice day in Reggio. For dinner, we ate with the group at a pizzeria. I ate an ENITRE margherita pizza. Delicious! Then we joined our host families for deserts at Reggio Lingua. Because my host family wasn’t there, I left and joined them at their soccer game. It was so sad to leave those girls. I really appreciated their hospitality.

 

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May 30, 2013

We went off to Rome today bright and early! We toured the Vatican and St. Peter’s Basilica. Emily’s parents paid for our tour! I really loved seeing the Sistine Chapel. It took Michelangelo four years to paint the ceiling. It hurt my neck to look up for a minute! I can’t imagine doing it for YEARS. The Vatican was absolutely astounding. The wealth within the Vatican City walls amazes me. Bronze statues, gold statues, gold trim, marble floors, and more precious materials are everywhere. It’s truly remarkable . I can’t even describe Rome. It is so enormous! I love that it’s also a major world city, unlike some of the other towns we’ve visited that only thrive on tourism. I have a snapshot in my head of these men in business suits standing right in front of a beautiful fountain, conducting business. I mean, just imagine having all of ROME as the backdrop for your day-to-day activities. No big deal.  We walked to the Trevi Fountain and, of course, made wishes as we threw our coins in. Then we walked over to the Spanish Steps and had gelato while we enjoyed the view. This day would have been perfect expect that Masey got pick-pocketed on the metro… by a bunch of little girls! They basically stormed the metro and then rushed to get back off the train, like they accidentally got on the wrong train. Instead, they were just pick-pocketers! Masey’s money was INSIDE her purse, under a button flap and a zippered pocket. I just can’t believe it. Tonight, we went out to a dinner at a restaurant right by our hotel. It was delicious! We had such a good time flirting with our waiter and enjoying great food and a couple bottles of wine. Our hotel was such a cute little place. The Sweet Home Hotel. The staff was so, so helpful and gave us tips on getting around Rome. I would recommend it to anyone staying in Rome! It was perfect for us four college girls!

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May 31, 2013

Today, we woke up pretty early and walked to the Coliseum, the Forum, and Palatine Hill. Beware of the gladiators! They tricked us into giving them 20 euro for a picture!!! Sneaky sneaky sneaky! The Coliseum was so cool. I wish that we could have done a tour because I would have liked to know more about the history there. It was awesome just to see it. When I get back to the states, I want to read up on Rome. I should have done it before, but I was so busy preparing for the trip. The Palatine Hill was also really neat. It was just a great big green space for promenading around a castle or something… It was really pretty. I love gardens. I could just walk around and explore for hours.  After the Coliseum area, we walked over to the Pantheon. It ended up taking a lot longer than expected to walk over there… like an hour. We took a few wrong turns, but hey, we got there. I wasn’t as impressed by the Pantheon. It was cool, but not as magnificent as some of the churches or the other things we’ve seen. Near the Pantheon was a church, San Luigi dei Francesi, which contained some original Caravaggio’s. Emily really wanted to see it, so we walked over. The Calling of St. Matthew was really impressive. There was some information on it around the church so I did learn a lot about that particular piece! For example, the subjects in the painting are not all clothed like they would have been in Jesus’ time period. That’s to symbolize extending the “calling” across generations. We took the bus back to our hotel and collected our things. The metro on the way to the other train station was PACKED. I barely made it on, pushing my way onto the coach. It was ridiculous. There’s no way we could have done it with our big bags. Many, many thanks to our host parents and professors for letting us leave our huge bags with them! We took the Italo train back to Milan. HOW NICE. It was expensive, but worth it. The train had wi-fi! It was just so clean and spacious. Better even than flying in an airplane! After we got into Milan, we paid wayyyy to much to take a taxi to our hotel. We ate with our group at a great restaurant near the hotel.

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June 1, 2013

Early flight back to Frankfurt and then to Atlanta. I am sitting here writing this on the plane and I can barely hold my eyes open. My brain is so tired. This trip has by FAR been the most exciting trip of my entire life. I loved it even more than Paris, London, Scotland, Canada, Barcelona…  Out of anywhere and everywhere I’ve ever been in my life, this trip was the best. I think I liked traveling alone and more independently. I learned a lot about myself. I mostly surprised that I am ready to be home. I always thought that I would love to live abroad and I still think it’d be awesome BUT… It’s just SO confusing to be in another country without knowing the language. I’ve been confused this entire trip! Eventually, you get tired of being perpetually discombobulated and you want some normalcy. I also missed my family! I know that I’ll never tire of traveling. I’ll be ready to be home for a little while but then I’ll get restless again and have to go somewhere. I think that’s a great way to be. I never want to be complacent in anything I do. I just want to forever explore, be forever curious. For now, I need to sleep. I’m so thankful for every single experience on this trip. There’s so much more that I’ve already forgotten. Hopefully, these brief journal entries will help me to remember what I know will forever be one of the greatest experiences of my life.

 

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Full Form May 28, 2013

May 28, 2013

Today was a day of rest. Finally. I had a free day and chose not to go anywhere or do anything at all. I took a long walk (in tennis shoes! My feet are saying thanks!) around Reggio! I just wanted to take in one good look around the city. I realized how big Reggio really is and how little of it I’ve actually seen. I’ve gotten acquainted with the area around my house and the city center, but there’s so much more to Reggio than that! I sat down in one of the parks for a while and just people watched. The Italian people talk a LOT. They talk loudly, they talk with their hands, and are so expressive in general. It’s very different than some of the other European countries that I’ve been in where the people are more stiff. Well, not exactly stiff but not exactly dignified either. I can’t think of the right word. Italians are just more loving and expressive. That shows up in their art and all of the PDA I’ve seen around! In one of the schools, I noticed that there were naked people in some of the children’s drawings. In the United States, the parents would be called in immediately to suggest something was wrong with the child! Here, the children are exposed to so much magnificent art everywhere that the body is solidified in their minds as something to be celebrated and expressed.  I like that. I think that, maybe, some of the problems in the United States with eating disorders and things like that could be combatted if we started celebrating the human form. The statues that I’ve seen around vary in size, shape, and age. There’s not an ideal. In the states, most women would kill themselves for that perfect waiflike model figure. However, I have yet to see a statue of a woman that would even come close to that. Instead, the statues of the women… if there is a way to actually generalize them all…  are full and soft, inviting, alluring, feminine. There’s nothing angular or bony about them. I find that refreshing – a good reminder that a normal woman’s body can be captivating in full form. 

Shadowing Preschool and Primary School (May 21 and 22)

May 21, 2013

Today we shadowed at Bergonzi Primary School. This has been my favorite day in the schools so far. I enjoyed seeing the children that I hope to teach one day (the preschools have been cool but repetitive and I don’t even want to teach preschool, so twice was more than enough for me…) in a school setting. When we came in, they were just finishing deciding a rubric for a paper as a class. That obviously gives the students some pride and purpose in their work. The students were working on what looked like a reading unit about some Greek mythology and Calipso. The teacher asked lots of questions about the reading and the comprehension to help the students make links and articulate their ideas. The students were called on to read – something that we are discouraged to do these days in the American classrooms.  The children were held to a higher maturity level than I find that many American students are. The teacher did not “baby” the students at all. If they were misbehaving or got too loud during group work, she would clap her hands quickly or even rap on her desk and the students would get right back to work. Other ways I saw the teacher augment student responsibility was allowing a few students to take turns working at her desk. It placed emphasis on the importance of their work. The students were not afraid to participate in class discussion. Both right and wrong answers were talked about and were open for interpretation by the teacher and the class.  This particular teacher preferred a project-based methodology. The students in her class do different projects throughout the year that help them to learn in a concrete way. The projects that the teacher showed us involved: first, creating a store to study different English words, a market economy, and math, among other skills and second, making up myths about the town’s historical symbols and making a book of their stories. What neat ideas! The projects are really intense and take the children at least two weeks of working everyday. I was so impressed at the work I saw. The students were so excited to show us everything they learned. It was obvious that this kind of learning solidifies ideas and concepts to the children. Also, I got to witness some really cool inclusion principles. Halfway through my observation, a boy came in with another teacher. Together, they sat at a desk in the back. The teacher assisted the student throughout the reading lesson. I saw her helping him spell, repeating what the teacher said in a different way, and things like that. This one-on-one instruction helped the student to be successful in a normal classroom. I really enjoyed shadowing at Bergonzi today. I made sure that I got the teacher’s contact information because she would be a great resource to have as I start teaching, especially if I want to implement some project based learning like this! Later on in the day, we went on a bike ride around Reggio. I love just wandering around, exploring everything. Biking is such a great way to get to know a city! I also mailed some post cards today! I hope they get home before I do! Oh, another thing. I had my first experience with a squatty potty today… Apparently they are supposed to be more sanitary because you don’t have to sit on a public toilet. I’m not buying it. The pee splashes. Ew.

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4th grade classroom, Bergonzi Primary School

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Awesome demonstration of inclusion

May 22, 2013

Today we visited L’Arca, an infant toddler center. It was so impressive. The documentation struck me the most. All around the center were posters and drawings and charts and just tons of documentation for the parents, teachers, and even some things at lower levels for the students. I made tons of notes and scribbled all over my notebook. I was just so, so, so impressed. Much of what I read in the articles before the trip finally started to make sense based on this one preschool visit. Here are some bullets from my notebook:

  • All of the preschool teachers at this particular center have a professional degree and participate in weekly professional development.
  • The meals for the children are prepared using herbs grown in the center’s garden, are cooked and served in house based on guidelines from a nutritionist. I thought that was really impressive.
  • The center has what they call an “Ambient Group” of parents and teachers that work to maintain the quality of the center.
  • The documentation is always changed and updated based on what the children are learning
  • The documentation helps teachers to observe how young children and babies can “talk” with materials (also a focus on the altierista)
  • Materials are changed as often as possible to help children develop more. Part of the Reggio approach is to emphasize change to augment the child’s adaptation and growth
  • Use natural and recycled materials everywhere. Materials are chosen specifically to help the children: for example, to amplify sounds that their bodies can make when moving
  • Artsy mobiles made of natural and recycled materials help children to look up and catch light
  • Even babies play with clay and their work is displayed to show that it was value

Unfortunately, the center would not let us take pictures but I wish I could have! I’m so worried I am going to forget some of the incredible things I saw. In my work with older grades, I think the documentation can be one of the aspects of the Reggio Approach that I try to emulate. Understanding the stages of children’s’ thoughts is crucial to help teacher’s to learn from the students and to figure out how to help the student when there is trouble learning.

Also, tonight we made an American breakfast for dinner! We made pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Our host mom said the pancakes were good, but heavy. I found that really interesting because I think the food that they eat is heavy! Anyways… cooking was interesting because the names for things are so different. My host family also didn’t have a measuring set. They just used regular cups and spoons for a cup and a spoon. Also, they don’t have the same kind of baking powder! They use one kind specifically for sweet things and have another kind they use for breads. Gio insisted we get the sweet one even though we tried to explain to him the pancake itself isn’t really sweet. Luckily, the pancakes turned out really good. We also found some really watery syrup at a supermarket. That was so funny to us! It was fun to explain to our host parents about some things about American culture!

May 17 and 18 – Cheese Factory and Florence!


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May 17, 2013

Today we went to the cheese factory! It was super duper cool! I have a ton of pictures I want to add to the blog about the cheese making process, but those will have to come later. My internet is spotty. Anyways, it was awesome to see how cheese is made! The best Parmesan Reggiano cheese in the world comes from this area – because that’s where it originated! She said they run into legal problems all of the time because American companies claim they are making Parmesan Reggiano cheese when really they can’t, because the cheese didn’t come from Parma or Reggio Emilia. Much of the process in this factory is still done by hand. It’s weird to think that while you’re eating your cheese at home, some guy was sticking his hand in the milk mixture feeling to make sure the cheese was developing the right texture. The lady that gave us the tour said that, at one point in the process, it feels like you’re running your hands right over silk when you dip your hands into the milk cauldron vat thingys.  After that a small group of us interviewed a principal. From my understanding, she was more like a superintendent than a principal because she was in charge of five different schools and over 900 students. It looked like we were in some kind of district office, but it wasn’t very clear. Anyways most of the students asked questions about parental involvement, but I was able to ask one question about curriculum development that related to the course I am taking at Clemson. I asked her about the standards for curriculum development. The government gives strict standards for the beginning and end of primary school, but not for the middle years. Even for those grades with strict standards, the teachers are free to figure out how they want to meet those standards in the classroom. She showed us a document that had some standards on it and those didn’t really seem very strict. It had things on it like understand and comprehend, develop relationships, and etc. So, basically, the principal gives the teachers room to do whatever they want in the classroom as long as the students are reaching their goals. She said that she values her teachers and doesn’t want to interfere with their method of teaching.

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Ponte Vecchio

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May 18, 2013

Today we took a day trip to Florence, or Firenze, as the Italians call it. I wonder why we have different names for cities like Florence, Venice, Munich, and other places. It would make sense to call all of the cities by the name the people there call it. I mean, New York is New York, right? Florence was absolutely beautiful! We took a bus in and got to see some of the Tuscan countryside. It was my favorite place by far. First, we went on walking tour around the city. It was really neat to see some of the major landmarks and find out a little bit of history. We saw Ponte Vecchio, the beautiful bridge with the little buildings on it that crosses the River Arno. We saw the Medici Chapel and the Uffizi Gallery. The city has beautiful, beautiful architecture and sculptures all around, especially in the Palazzo Vecchio. We went into the Accademia dell’Arte to see the David. Seeing the replica outside just didn’t do it justice. Admiring the grace and beauty of the REAL David was incredible. The other artwork was cool too. I am glad we went to the Galleria and not the Ufitzi though. I love artwork, but we only had limited time today and I felt like I saw a good bit and the Galleria. We climbed all 463 steps to the top of the Duomo. What an AMAZING cathedral and what an incredible view. I hate heights, but I kept reminding myself that the structure was probably the most sturdy I’ve ever been on! It’s been standing for hundreds and hundreds of years! The view was breathtaking. Simply breathtaking. Wow. So much of today’s experience can’t be put into words or captured in a picture. Knowing that great men like DiVinci and Michelangelo walked the same streets is awe-inspiring.

Ciao Reggio!

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May 13, 2013

So much has happened since I last blogged! Oh, where to START?! I’m now in Italy. It is so amazing to me how a one hour plane ride can literally put you in a completely new world. It’s so interesting how all of the European languages have lasted as separate and unique language entities. America is over the size of half of the whole European continenet and all of the people speak English (or some form of English anyways… I don’t know what to call the southern twang that sometimes comes out of my mouth). It’s crazy how the European languages haven’t meshed together more. Italian and Spanish and French are very similar, but then there’s German and English and all of the other languages mixed in an area that’s so small! It would be so interesting to study how language develops. What’s that called again? Etymology? Something like that? Anyways…  I’ll recap my first few experiences in Italy. First, I had to figure out how to get to the hotel BY MYSELF. I flew from Basel (where I was so very nicely picked up like a little package from the front of the airport and never ever had to go anywhere by myself) into Milan around 10 pm at night. Yeah. ME. Miss independent. Miss little do it by herself. An American GIRL who doesn’t speak Italian and who didn’t even MAKE THE HOTEL RESERVATION, but relied for once on a friend to do and therefore has no record of the correct hotel or a reservation confirmation or anything like that was ALONE at night in a very strange airport. I called the first two hotels on my google search with my .99 cent per minute stupid international plan and neither one of them had reservations for my friend’s last name. As you can imagine, my mind started to immediately switch to the possibility of sleeping alone in the airport and getting sold into sex trafficking (which is no laughing matter, but is understandably the first thing on my mind when I’m scared and alone in a foreign country). Anyways… I finally called the right hotel and they told me to wait for their shuttle at Gate number 16. THERE WASN’T A GATE 16. Uhm… So. More panic. I asked for directions. I didn’t understand anyone and no one else understood me. I finally overheard another English speaking (Australian. How exotic… I wonder what they thought of my English ahahaha) person asking for help too, so I just followed her and asked if she was looking for the gate too. Turns out, we braved the outside world and went outside the airport between gates 15 and 17, and LO! There! A Gate 16. Inside, it was all under construction. So. I made it safely to the hotel and took a LONG BATH and SLEPT. I took a taxi to meet my group at the airport and that was that. Now, I’m with my group safe and sound in Reggio Emilia, Italy. Our host parents are two cute, cute, cute young Italian people – a husband and wife. They probably aren’t even 30. Chira and Giordano. Her mother is also housing other people from the trip and has done it for several years, but this is their first time hosting any students.  It’s going to be a learning curve for both of Rachel (my roommate) and me and the cutie couple! For our first night, we had short, curly pasta with some spicy red sauce and wine. We had good conversation at dinner but it’s awkward! There’s only one bathroom. So, yeah. Today, we basically went on a tour of Reggio Emilia and walked around and got lost. It was fun. But my entire body hurts from all of the walking. I’ll have to find a better pair of sandals because we literally got so, so, so lost and I can’t feel my legs. We probably sat down for all of 3 hours in the whole day. Owie. But good owie. Who can complain when they’re in Italia?! We took some Italian language classes in the afternoon. I don’t know how much Italian I’m going to pick up in a few weeks, but we’ll see! It should be fun. Dinner with our host couple was so cute tonight. She tried to cook chicken and zucchini with Parmesan, but she burnt some of the meat so there wasn’t that much! I know that would be me trying to host some students as a young lady. I love it. She’s so sweet. We had watermelon for desert. I love that all of the fruit that we only eat in the summer time is ready here now. Alrighty, enough for now! I’m forgetting so much I know. Hopefully this will help me to remember the few things I’m able to get down for years to come. If I can remember only a portion of what I’ve seen and done and heard on this trip then I will still be much richer from the experience.

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The Reggio Emilia Lions, Piazza San Prospero

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So beautiful! Reggio Emilia, Italy. I LOVE all of the beautiful balconies like this one.

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Our host mom, Chiara!

May 14, 2013

These days are great, but LONG! I can hardly remember anything that’s happened. It’s going to be hard to journal about everything because there’s so much and because I’m so tired by the time I have a second to write! This morning, we had some more Italian language classes. It’s so confusing because everything is similar to French, but very different at the same time. After the lesson, we had some more time to walk around Reggio. There was an open-air market in the piazzas today. Our hosts told us that the stuff wasn’t very good quality because there were a lot of immigrants. It’s really similar to an American flea market. According to our hosts, the open markets used to be really nice and lots of Italian shopkeepers would set up tents with stuff on sale but now the immigrants have taken away that nice atmosphere with their cheap goods. The Italians don’t like the immigrants because they sell things of such poor quality and take work away from the Italians. They really don’t like the Chinese people in Italy. There are a lot of Chinese because of the Chinese laws about not having more than one child. Apparently the illegal Chinese people are called “black Chinese,” not because of the color of their skin, but because they aren’t allowed to be here. They view the Chinese much like Americans view the Mexican people. In the States, we like Chinese people because they’re always hard-working and smart! I found that to be very interesting! After the markets and eating lunch, we met our host “mama” for gelato! OH MY GOSH. SO GOOOOD. I had nutella and some kind of vanilla with yummy butterfinger kinda sorta, cookie kinda sorta, caramel kinda sorta pieces inside. Delicious. We met back up with the group to go to the Bergonzi primary school. That was really interesting because we heard from a 5th grade teacher. I thought her English was very good, but she let Daniela translate since she was going to talk about on a deeper level about ideas, various didactic techniques, and that sort of thing. The meeting was very interesting! When the Bergonzi school was created (or “born” as Daniela so cutely translated) in 1973, they decided not to use textbooks. The translation was kind of rough, but basically the teachers and students learn through projects and create their own “textbooks” as they learn. Now, the teachers use textbooks and other audio/visual materials, but they want to use them only as a reference points to help the students. Previously, there were three teachers in each class but due to budget cuts and all of that there are not as many teachers. So, the teachers have to rely more and more on the textbook to help them teach because there aren’t as many teachers in the classrooms. The projects are done grade wide or classroom wide and are used to help the students to learn in a practical way. The students are at school for eight hours. Within those eight hours, there are workshops for the students to learn by doing – a hands on approach. Many of the projects that the Bergonzi school based on some core ideas: 1) working to raise money for the school 2) partnering with experts and 3) exploring the territory. These ideas help the school to be successful in the projects without having to break their very limited budget. For example, the students are involved in something similar to our “Box Tops for Education.” Area grocery stores partner with Bergonzi to give a portion of sales to the school. The example the teacher gave for the community partnership was a project the students recently did with a local mosaic expert, one of the few left in the country. He helped the students to make mosaics and then they went on a trip to see some famous Italian mosaics from the Roman period. Cool! I remember doing something similar in my art class in elementary school. We studied the iron work (history, famous artists, etc.) that is very famous in Charleston, SC and then we worked with a local blacksmith to make our own iron gate designs. That’s definitely a great example of integrated, creative curriculum! Another project example is the school’s “Club of Taste.” The lunch time is very different from our American schools. The students help to set the tables and they eat a long, leisurely, family style lunch. The “club of taste” is a small group of students that collaborate with their classmates and then give feedback on how the students like the lunches. The goal is to help all of the children learn to appreciate fresh, good food, help them learn to “eat well,” and help them to avoid waste. The children learn about who produces the food, how to grow it, and everything like that! The schools also partner with the parents to help them learn to eat good food! Community involvement is very important for the success of the schools. Three times a year (at least) the teachers meet with the parents to discuss their children. Further ways parents are involved in the school are similar to our PTA programs. The parents form committees to help the teacher and to help involve other parents as well. Also, the schools try to organize talks with experts like psychologists or doctors or other professionals. The psychologists come and the parents can ask questions about their own children for free. I thought that was really neat. It shows that the schools care about the development and well being of the child fully.  Of course, that’s the ideal. The teacher said that it’s hard to get all parents involved, but continuing to promote ties with the teacher and family regardless of failure is important because eventually there will be good response and community will be built. After the meeting we went out for aperitif with our host mama and her friend. We had a light drink at a “bar” in the city center. It’s cool because you pay for a drink and the bar puts out free appetizers! We met a friend of hers there. He was so funny. He had wild curly hair and looked SO Italian it wasn’t even funny! Yay! After drinks and snacks we went down to watch a few minutes of a pick up soccer match for the team he plays with sometimes. They play in this cute little square court between two beautiful old apartments. It’s like a basketball court but without a top. The surrounding buildings form a perfect court to play soccer like we would play “indoor,” there’s just no roof. It was so neat! I could have stayed there all night. I love it. I love Italy! I’ve literally been writing for an hour.  Bella notte!

May 15, 2013

I don’t know if it’s possible for my feet to hurt this much! I MUST buy some better sandals. So. Much. Walking. Today we went to the Malaguzzi center. It’s a museum and central location for the Reggio approach and is a tribute to the approach’s founder, Loris Malaguzzi. We listened to the pedagogista (like a curriculum specialist) tell us more about the approach and then we got to work with the alterista. She’s like an art teacher but there’s more that can’t exactly be translated because the approach is so unique. They help the students to learn freely, creatively, and guide them to make some really deep realizations and connections based on their exploration. The Malaguzzi center has a Ray of Light alteri (like an exploratory art room) where children can use light as a subject matter. It was really really cool. Lots of the exhibits were very similar to the kinds of things that the Children’s Museum has but all of the materials were REAL, many just recycled materials. There were no “toys” or anything like that. A big part of the Reggio Approach is the idea that children are more competent than we think them to be. The Reggio teachers don’t try to simplify language or pictures because they are already immersed in this world as a complex reality… there’s no need to simplify. Instead, teachers help include children in the complex world. In the Reggio approach, children and adults learn together in culture and humanity. Learning is not linear and is very unexpected. The Reggio approach is connected to the social constructivist theory. Documentation is important in the approach. We got to see some neat ways that the teachers, as researchers and observers of their students, document the process of student learning. Again, in the Reggio approach, the process of learning is more important than the final result. After the Malaguzzi center, we spent the afternoon in Bologna. It was fun to walk around and see a bigger Italian city. We had some real Italian pizza, finally! It was funny because we didn’t know how to order so we accidentally ordered two GIANT pizzas. But, oh. SO GOOD. The six of us girls nearly finished BOTH of the pizzas. I wish I was picking up more of the language. I think that instead of actually learning Italian, I’m only learning to speak English with an Italian accent!

Day 3 of Travels!

May 8, 2013

I slept this morning, planning to go to school when the dorm parents took lunch at noon. I woke up at 11:42. Seriously, this jet lag thing is really getting to me! Because my day was shortened, I don’t have too much to say. I went to PE, art, and worldview classes and soccer practice with Meems today. Mimi sprained her ankle at soccer, so that is going to cut into some of our rambling a little bit. We had planned to walk to a German place for dinner but she is barely able to walk so that didn’t work out. I missed breakfast but had a yummy lunch of bratwurst, gouda mac and cheese, raw veggies, and a cakey tiramusu strawberry desert thingy. I really liked the bratwurst! It’s much better than a hotdog (I HATE hotdogs). For dinner, I had potatoes, breaded chicken, green beans and milk with two rice cakes – one with pb and an apple, one with nutella. I don’t really like German peanut butter that much! It’s not as brown in color so they’ve done something to make it less like a bunch of ground of peanuts and more like a milky peanut spread. But the nutella was, of course, parfait! I thought I would blog before any late night snacking started in the dorm to get in touch with how I was feeling about food. I am perfectly satisfied, but not overly full. I will be hungry again in the morning! I really don’t WANT a snack tonight. I need to keep that in mind in case there is food presented later. I wanted the nutella and peanut butter not really for the taste but because it was there. That’s not the way to think about things all the time, but sometimes it is. This was one of those times that I’m making it okay. So, I made sure I really enjoyed it. That’s pretty much it for today – short and sweet. Not much happened this Wednesday.

This week’s workouts (April 21 – 27)

I forgot to update my workouts for this week. Here they are! It’s going to be a CRAZY week since it’s the last week of classes, so my workouts are going to be  far from “scheduled.” I’ll be surprised if I get a good workout in twice this week.

Monday: 45 minutes on the bike while doing some reading. 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Wednesday:

  • 50 burpies (no pushups)
  • 1 mile run (Time: 7:49/mile)
  • 100 body weight squats
  • 1 mile run (7:17/mile)
  • 75 pushups (These were the hardest! I had to keep breaking them up into small sets – sometimes only like five pushups at a time!)
  • 1/2 mile run (3:55 minutes)

Saturday:

  • Treadmill: 1 mile (7:30 pace)
  • Barbell Squat: 4 sets of 15 – 20 reps (Highest weight was 105 lbs. x 20 reps)
  • DB Walking Lunges: (Weight: 22 lbs., 17.5 lbs., 15 lbs.)  3 sets of 20
  • Leg Extension: 2 x 25 reps (45 lbs.)
  • Single Leg Calf Raises 2 x 30
  • Squat Jumps: 2 x 15
  • Mountain Climbers 2 x 25
  • Bicycle Crunches 2 x 25
  • 10 Dive bomber pushups
  • 4 sprints of 30 secs each.

twenty-one days completed!

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I’ve finished the 21 day challenge, not well, but I finished it. Since my last blog post, I’ve binged and purged twice. Both binges were pretty big ones. The kind that you can’t really “recover from” or “undo.” One of the purges involved a binge where I drove around to different fast food places before “getting rid” of the food. Of course that never works. I weighed myself the day after that binge and was at 132. So, all the hard work I’ve been putting in at the gym was ruined by my terrible diet. I think I’ve been having such a hard time because I’ve made some key realizations about submitting myself to Christ. I am going to have to give HIM my all in this. It’s going to take utter and complete submission and focus on following what the Lord asks of me in this fight. I know that in my head but I don’t think I realized it TRULY in my heart until a sermon this past Sunday. The pastor talked about relationships and how God gave us the example of marriage as a model for all of our other relationships. Looking at biblical marriage gives us the blueprint for any relationship we have with all people and with God. Any kind of deficit in our service to others points to our lack of submission to God. Check out this excerpt from Ephesians 5:18 – 21…

18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The verses that follow talk about wives and husbands submitting to and loving one another as God loved the church. These verses above contrast a self-filled life with a spirit-filled one. A spirit-filled life involves speaking, singing, making melodies, and giving thanks. These things lead to unity experienced and shared in relationships. Having a spirit-filled life LEADS to these joyful characteristics of Christ manifest in us. If WE are trying, we are only giving more life to the flesh. Pursuing the Lord is what leads to a spirit-filled existence. Being servant minded like Jesus is willing submission to others out of reverence to Christ. Our service is not based on people but is based on Christ’s example. We see Jesus as a servant, perfectly submitted to God the Father. In his submission to God, he perfectly submitted to people. It is through Jesus that we understand relationships. Whatever we do to one another is a reflection of God’s relationship in us. We need to submit to people and serve people without any kind of selfish motivation. This is how we worship God daily. There are really only two kinds of love in this world: self-love and love for God. We should think about our actions based on the root of our love. Understanding submission in this way has really affected me this week. I feel like I have to pray for God to help me submit to him every single second. I feel immediate attack when in the moments that I’m not seeking the Lord fully, with my face to the ground, arms spread wide open, in total surrender. That’s what it’s going to take. The attacks of anxiety are so great that I literally feel like I’m knocked to the ground and can’t catch my breath. I know though that I’ve finally opened the door on the way to freedom. I just need to be still and let the Lord fight for me. He is showing me that I must let go of EVERYTHING. I know that in his time, I’ll find healing. No Scratch that. In his time, he’ll GRANT healing. He’s waiting on me to relinquish any hold that I have on anything and everything. Oh great love of God that takes away the sin of all of us, gone forever. Lord, I pray for you to help me to submit to you fully. Thank you for the realizations I’ve made these past 21 days. No, I haven’t had some miraculous body transformation. But I haven’t given up either. These 21 days have been a journey that showed me that I can push myself physically harder than ever before. I’ve done some pretty hard workouts!! I know the Lord is going to lead me out of this valley one step at a time. I have to keep getting up after I’ve been knocked down and turn my eyes back up to Jesus. I’m going to keep blogging about my journey. It’s really helpful! I’m going to keep working hard in the gym. I’m going to keep asking the Lord to change my mindset about food. Freedom is so close. 

update…

New post from later on…

I binged for pretty much two hours on everything could get my hands on. Tortilla chips and salsa, veggie chips, saltine crackers, jelly, popcorn, special k brownie bites (3 packs), banana and peanut butter sandwich, breakfast essentials mix with milk. I purged just now. I know that’s not comforting or pleasant for anyone to read. I had to put it up though. I can’t hide and I need to keep a record of everything so that I can look back and see what’s wrong. I was having such a pleasant night! I don’t know what happened. I want to go run or something because I know I am just killing any semblance of a better body but I am dead tired. 

three days

Image My emotions were crazyyy today! I was up and down and up and down, literally on a roller coaster. I started out my day excited to be up and at em but spent most of my Saturday at work. I was tired and couldn’t get myself excited to workout. I DID workout after work but felt lonely and kind of down while I was doing it! I love getting friends to workout with me. I do wish my roommates were more health conscious and active. That would make things a millllllion times easier. But, instead of letting myself be pulled down because of them, I can LIFT THEM UP! It’s important for me to change how I feel about things and not let others clutter up my mind. I need to stop comparing myself to others. I really realized that today. I kept comparing myself to the other cool things that people were doing today. If things aren’t picture perfect, I don’t think it’s good enough! No, I didn’t do a mud run or a color run today. No, I didn’t go out tonight with a ton of friends. But I did learn to play racquetball, saw an old friend and showed her little brother, a potential Clemson student, around Fike, worked out, started a painting, went for a walk and now I’m going to try to study. I needed a day to breathe. I need to continue to make the most of it and GET SOME STUFF DONE for school with the rest of my day. Grace and I had a great talk on our walk. We needed that! She also made beignets today, so that was a great sweet treat! We talked about our lives and struggles lately and things we can pray about for one another.

Anyways here’s my workout:

Leg Day

  • 1/2 mile warm up on the treadmill (only did 1/2 mile because I had just played a little bit of racquet ball)
  • Squats: 3×15 Bar+10lb. on each side, 20lb. on each side, 25lb. on each side (my knee felt great but I didn’t want to push it!)
  • Box Jumps: 25×2 sets
  • 2 laps of walking lunges around the indoor track
  • Hip Abductor: 2X20 85lb., 100lb., 100lb.
  • Hip Adductor 45lb., 45lb, 35lb. (These are HARD for me)
  • 10 minutes on the elliptical at a lower intensity

Meals

  • Breakfast: oatmeal with peanut butter and skim milk. Coffee with creamer.
  • Snack: GNC breakfast bar with apple
  • Lunch: Hard boiled egg with mustard, 1 scoop of protein with skim milk, 3 beignets plus a bunch of powdered sugar
  • Dinner: Salad with hard boiled egg and goat cheese crumbles, almonds, raisins and honey mustard yogurt dressing

I get so discouraged when I look at my legs. I just hateeee the cellulite on the back of my legs. My legs make me look so fatty fat fat. I literally feel like I’m normal sized on top and then look like I’m wearing giant balloon pants from the waist down. My legs are like stumpy blobs. I used to like my big butt, but now, all I see is the cellulite that makes it flabby and gross! I’m also still having trouble eating right! All I think about is food. But, in order to train myself I have to think about positive reinforcement so… I did great at dinner! I tried to eat mindfully and really taste each part of the salad. I was munching a little extra on the almonds and raisins because I was craving some sweet something but I kept telling myself I’d already had PLENTY of sweets today. I sat down to blog because I hoped that would help. After drinking some water and thinking about it, I feel satisfied. Food is not the answer for boredom; it is not a substitution for dealing with my feelings.